Disillusioned college student

Right now i'm staying up late to finish a homework assignment for upper division electrodynamics. I have to wake up in 5 hours but I see what this is all about. Instead of going to office hours I thought I could do this assignment myself and give it a go by myself, well that was a stupid idea. Instead I should have gone to office hours and wrote down the answers and then do the problems. Instead of being honest and virtuous, doing my homework myself and suffering through it, I should just focus on the grade. I mean that's what everybody does anyways. Fuck being an honest man, it's like you have to lie and deceive to get what you want from college. This of course doesn't apply if you're above average. I'm not the brighest lightbulb in the box, but I love to learn. But when it comes to school it's always about the GPA; GPA booster classes, GPA THIS GPA THAT. It's what people talk about when doing physics homework, but most importantly it shows the world what kind of people we are. This 3 digit number tells the world this guy/girl is this kind of person, an incredible genius or a complete fuck off. It definitely sucks because I fall into the fuck off category. It's not like I am fucking retarded, it's that I applied for a hard major wanting to learn physics. I mean it's magical learning how the world functions from a physical perspective. But being assigned questions that are harder than dried shit, and trying to do an assignment by myself backfiring on me makes me sad that I ever came to college. It has made me more cynical of the world, and of life in general. I'm too tired I'm getting my average 5 1/2 hours of sleep now.

I wanted to append to this angry tirade that in order to succeed in school you must do everything/ anything. It's all just a game, any time you can get an upper hand to better yourself then take it, unless doing so would jeopardize your chances of winning. Anyway that's the kind of mindset I have now ever since I realized it was all just some big game and I'm fighting with lots of people that have superior mental capabilities far greater than I could ever hope for.